winners never quit

Because even after 4 years of neglect, my blog still comes when I call. Stupid blog.

if I was a better drunk Iʻd be an alcoholic

But enough about me, how have YOU been?

Wait…whatʻs that you say? Where have I been? What happened to all the sporadic and relatively witty banter? Why did I stop throwing all my words at you? Iʻm not sure I have a satisfactorily clever answer for that folks. Iʻve never been what youʻd call “good” at time management. Iʻm so what-youʻd-call “not good” with time management, that a whopping 4 years (and then some) has gone by with my poor little neglected blog just collecting dust in itʻs itsy bitsy corner of the web. Or net. Or whatever the youngsters are calling it these days.

So. Thereʻs that.

Yeah, after four years away Iʻm not really sure how to start out. I mean, although Iʻm relatively sure that not one was invested enough in my silly little blog to really care that I abandon it for FOUR FUCKING YEARS!!!, I do still feel some shred of responsibility toward the casual peruser of the blogosphere, should they land here for whatever cosmically fated reason, and feel like I should have a least SOMETHING interesting for them to read.

Fuckit. Iʻm out of practice. And I left my wit in my other jeans. Arenʻt blogs a “read-at-your-own-risk” proposition anyway?

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bloggity blog blog blog…whack-a-mole

So I woke up this morning and realized that I had been dreaming in blog. WTF? No, really. My dreams had not been in video form, as per usual, but rather all in typeface with witty headings. It was weird. And maybe a little creepy. But what really pissed me off was that when The Boy decided it was morning (5:32am, thankyouverymuch) all of the great blopics just went up like so much smoke…. 

Oh, to smoke. Light, inhale, savor, exhale, cough a little if you breathe too deep or you’re smoking the fun stuff. I miss smoking. Really a lot. Oh good Christ I miss cigarettes! It’s been all of 10 days now, and while I’m glad to be done with the whole nasty, smelly, dirty habit, if I was not such a stellar mother (I can hear you all stifling those giggles out there, just let it out) I would be leaving my sleeping babies to dash to the corner store for a nice little package of cancer-to-go. Put down your phones, no need to call DFS or any other such child caving agency, I’m blogging instead of smoking. And it’s cold out there! Plus, I’m already in my jammies and I’m too lazy to put real clothes on now. 

So 5:32am. Yup. The funny part was that he didn’t come in to wake me up like usual, he just turned on the light in his bedroom and woke up his sister. Instead of trying to whack the mole myself, The Girl said, and I quote, “Turn it off! I’m trying to sleep here! Go turn on mommy’s light!” To which The Boy answered, “But she won’t play with me yet!” The Girl’s response? “Neither will I! Now TURN IT OFF!!” At which time I heard what sounded like something or someone hit the floor/wall. I still don’t know exactly what the noise was, but there was no blood, so no real harm, right? And as everyone was up at that point, I’ve been dragging my pajamma’d ass through the day wishing that someone would make me a cup of coffee and that I had hidden at least one emergency pack of cancer somewhere in the house. Damn me and my non-self-sabotaging ways. And if I’m really a quitter now, re smoking, does that mean I’ll never win again? Or that I’m just not a winner in general?